Whew! What a week. I was so emotionally exhausted this week, I couldn't bring myself to blog. Even if I could, words would not have done it justice. Suffice it to say, I had some very profound experiences through work.
Anyway, during my devotion time this morning, I found a meditation I had torn out of a book last year and placed in the cover of the book I picked up this morning. For some reason the thoughts struck me today again and I wanted to share parts of it here. I cannot take credit for the thoughts. It was written by a man named Father Jacek Buda. He starts of talking about the color gray being the color of dullness. And then he goes on:
"The problem is located somewhere between great sin and great love, in the vast haze of imperfect friendships, unfulfilled promises, incomplete victories, plans delayed to infinity. It is a constant, omnipresent weakness, an endless capacity for mediocrity. Our dreams rarely come true--and when they do, they are just a pale shadow of what we expected. Our loves and friendships, though intense and full of promise, are also fragile and full of deception. How many times have we caught ourselves trying to possess or to manipulate other people? How many times have our prayers for others been nothing more than showing off for ourselves? What scares us the most is the suspicion that this is all it means to be human.
....This means that the way to get out of the gray is not to be afraid of it. If we accept our life, our loves and friendships and our work for what they are, and if we have the courage to receive them with all talent and energy, then past the haze of mediocrity, boredom, and even suffering, I will see Christ. Christ's humanity is not a limitation or an embarrassment; it is the way in which God chose to save his creatures. His cross is not a failure; it is his victory and hope for us. Christ is the Son who became man so that 'the Father may see and love in us what he sees and loves in Christ.' Thanks to him I don't have to be afraid of my weaknesses and limitations. As long as I don't give up, I am on the road to him."
My thoughts now (to myself as I strive to progress along the continuum of loving ever more purely and less selfishly)......
Examine your relationships. How do you use even good things to pull to have needs met for yourself that should be met through God first? In those ways you are not loving purely, unconditionally.
God, help me with this.
(I'm sick of praying this prayer and look forward to heaven when I won't need to pray it any more!!!)