Celebrate my joys...

My eldest graduated from fifth grade this week. He is developing into quite the young man.

Grieve my losses/disappointments...

I grieve that I am weaning. Baby is ready. I'm not so much.
I grieve my eldest will not step foot into his little school anymore, having moved on to the next level.
I grieve a serious illness of a close family member.
I grieve a relationship.

attend to my lonliness...

I hate that I will live with lonliness as long as we live on this earth. I am surrounded by people, yet do not feel completely connected with anyone. That true intimacy is evasive, probably because we were made for Intimacy and all other ways we seek to fill that space fall short. But it sucks.

sit with my questions...

How can I REALLY love others better? How can I grow in my denial of self and unconditional love of others?

confess my sins/shortcomings...

My focus of late has been too much on me and my needs for affirmation and acceptance. I don't like it.

One of the Privileges of Motherhood....

...is holding my baby boy asleep in my arms with his head back and his arms hanging down, looking at the eyebrows he got from his daddy, his blonde hair all mussed, his mouth wide open, and kissing his plump, soft cheek feeling the warmth of his breath on mine.

Mother's Day

Something happened at mass today. I was holding and bouncing my 9-month-old. He was just starting to get fussy after the homily. I was thinking about Mother's Day and what it means to be a mom and how much I need God's help to raise these boys to know Him. And I realized I wasn't paying much attention to the Nicene Creed we were reciting as a weekly statement of our faith. I forced my mind back to the meanings behind the words I was speaking. And I started saying it in my little one's ear.

As if I was teaching it to him. And I remembered I so desperately want all my children to know that creed. To KNOW that creed. And to know of whom it teaches. To KNOW of Whom it teaches.

And saying it like that--like a lesson to my little one's ear, made it vibrant once again, and so vital.

Kisses

There is nothing like the feeling of wet kisses from a man (a 9-month old man) to lift one's spirits.

Inside Knowledge

I love the little things around our house that make us a family--like the ugly gray and maroon coffee cup I'm drinking out of that says "Dental Associates" on it. I can't bring myself to part with it because my middle son bought it for me for a quarter from our parish rummage sale. His class went downstairs a couple of years ago to shop there as a reward.

He said he bought it for me because he knows how much I love coffee.

A gift with intention, unaided by any adult.