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....who really only seems to pursue me when something is needed from me: a listening ear, a favor, an idea, an affirmation, etc. I love to help but sometimes wonder.....am I likable just for who I am? Does this person care to know about my day, or why I may be sad, or what the desires of my heart are? Should I even desire that they know me....or is this selfish?
I find that so many people today are so absorbed with themselves or their crazy schedules that they don't take the time to stop, look around, and connect. Or if there is the pretension of care, it is in order to receive something in return. They miss out on a lot of the richness around them.
This is one of the reasons I love my job with hospice. I occasionally (more often than in the "well" world) get to meet people on their deathbed where all pretension is stripped away. Their words mean what they say. There are no underlying or hidden meanings, no reading between the lines. No crap.
Do I do this, Lord? Help me to pursue others because they have a soul, and not for what they can do for me.
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You are not wrong to question your "friend's" motives. The question is; are they actually a true friend. If you know what the person is all about and still like them, then there is no problem. You seem to have a grasp on your spirituality. Can that include a person that may not be as genuine as you had hoped? That can only be answered by you. You must make the decision to; keep up the pretenses, sever ties, or understand that not all people are "givers". Some people "take" and don't even know that they are taking from others. A talk with the person would take a lot of intestinal fortitude, but may change their understanding of your relationship with them. You may find things out about them that endear you to them, or may make you realize that your relationship will never be truly friendship. It's a hard path, but one that must be taken. I wish you luck on this endeavor. Danielsahn
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